(Parody) FEAR OF A SHINING ARMOR

It’s at this point that he’s not just afraid, but he’s starting to go off the deep end-crazy! Complete with insomnia, hallucinations, bizarre reactions, and worst of all, loss of focus. He can hardly do his job properly. Even after Shining Armor decides to take a break from it all, Flash is STILL losing his mind! Before, Flash wanted to deal with this endurance alone so he could earn both Shining Armor’s trust and his sister, Twilight’s love.

Shining Armor’s wife, Princess Cadence wanted to honor Flash’s wish and stayed out of it for as long as she could, but when she noticed how he’s been losing sleep and has been feeling the effects of Shining Armor’s psychological torture! She couldn’t take it anymore, so she felt it was time for a little intervention. With Flash’s mind as wrinkled up as it is, there’s no way he would be able to argue. He had to listen now.

She passes by Flash while he’s guarding the Crystal Empire Royal Archives… wearing his armor wrong. His steel horseshoes are on his neck, his cape and saddle are on his head, and his helm is tied to his flank, he’s holding his spear upside-down, and his head is bobbing to the sides like a metronome with his eyes bloodshot and crossed, his mouth with a crooked smile, and he seems like he could jump to the moon at any second! She approaches him and tries to talk to him.

Flash:……Nuuuuhhhhhhhh…..

Cadence: Um… Flash?

Flash: BAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!! *Darts up to the ceiling and hits his head* Oooooooooow….. *Falls back down with a bump on his head* Ngh… *Looks at Cadence and sees 6 of her spinning around one in the center*Oh… hello there, your highnessesesesesesessssss…. *Tries to salute* Cappy-Duh-Flash reporting for duuuuuuuuu….. *Is about to fall over, but Cadence helps him up* Ngh… Uuuh… Is all well, Princess?

Cadence: I should be asking you that. Though I already know the answer is “No, it’s not!” Look, Flash. I know you’ve wanted to do this yourself, but I really think you’ve withstood enough! Look at yourself! You can barely stand, you’re a lot jumpier than usual, and you’re not even wearing your armor right!

Flash What’ya tryinuh say?!

Cadence: I’m saying that I’m worried that- *Turns into Shining Armor in Flash’s mind*

Shining Armor?: I’m watching you…

Cadence: *Turns back to normal*-you got it?

Flash: *Eyes wide opened and shrunken* I’m sorry, Princess Cadence. Could you please run that by me again?

Cadence: Sure. I said that I want you to-*Turns into Shining Armor again*

Shining Armor?: STAY AWAY FROM MY SISTER!

Cadence: *Turns back again*-Okay?

Flash: That’s what I thought you said. Now permission to give a rebuttal?

Cadence: Uh, granted?

Flash: Thank you! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!! *Runs into the corner and points his spear at Cadence in a panic* STAY AWAY! I’M WARNING YOU!!!

Cadence: Flash! Put the spear down! I need you to- *Turns into Shining Armor while approaching him and spouting gibberish*

Shining Armor?: BLAFRAFYAFNAFMAF!!! Oh, FLAAAASH!!!

Flash: No! Don’t kill me! I’M A MOMMA’S BOY! *Darts away down the hall into the eatery with his armor fallen off and his spear on the floor*AAAAH!!! Huh? *Looks into the eatery and his eyes become tiny black dots* HOLY HORSEAPPLES!!! THEY’RE EVERYWHERE!!! *Sees everypony turned into an army of Shining Armors* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! *Runs in until he bumps into somepony* OOF!!!

Shining Armor?: What?!

Flash: AAAAH!!! *Goes around the eatery and out of the castle while screaming randomly at a bunch of Crystal Ponies that look like Shining Armor hallucinations until Cadence catches him and drags him back to the castle* AAAAH!!! AAAH! AAAAH! AAAAH!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!

Golden Laurel: *Talking to another Crystal mare* I told you that hat looked horrible on you!

Flash: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! NO! NO PLEASE! I WANT TO LIVE! *Pops back out of the door* I WANT TO LIIIIIIIIVE!!! *Gets pulled back in and the door closes with a dramatic zoom in on Derpy Hooves for no reason*

Cadence: *Tries to shake him to snap out of it* Pull yourself together!

Flash: *Panting* Princess… What’s going on?! Everywhere I look I see… I see… an army of Killer Prince Shining Armors!

Cadence: HUH?! Okay, that’s random. Even worse than the time Twilight used that one spell to make everything I saw look like Shining Armor!

Flash: Huh?!

Cadence: Never mind. Look, I need to test something. Now repeat after me. *Picks up his spear* Here’s your spear…

Flash: Spear…

Cadence: *Picks up his helm* And here’s your helm!

Flash: Helm…

Cadence: *Picks up a picture of her and Shining Armor* and with spear and helm, you are dedicated to protecting and serving the Royal- *Gets interrupted by more of Flash’s screaming as she holds the picture to him*

Flash: AAAAAAAAAaaaaaaAAAAAAaaaaAAAaaaAAAAaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!! *Changing tempo of screaming as she holds it to and away from him*

Cadence: *Puts it down*Oookay, we officially have a problem.

Flash: What does this mean?!

Cadence: This means that there’s something wrong with your head! Now I think it’s time you saw a professional-

Flash: Hoofball player?

Cadence: No! I mean somepony with the right cure in mind! Fortunately, I know of one pony- or zebra who can help you! Twilight even knows her and said many great things about her! I believe her name is Zecora.

Flash: Well… I dunno… I’m the captain here and who would cover for me while I’m gone?

Cadence: Don’t you worry about that, I’ll find somepony! Just get going and remember to- *Turns into Shining Armor again*

Shining Armor?: SLEEP WITH ONE EYE OPENED!!!

Flash: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!! *Runs away and reappears at the Everfree Forest where Twilight is showing him to Zecora’s place* And you’re absolutely sure that she can help me?

Twilight: Trust me! She’s only let us down once! And that was just because of an unstoppable rampage of tiny monsters! But when it comes to stuff like this, she’s a pro!

Flash: I’ll take your word for it…

Twilight: Don’t worry. I’ll be right here for you if you need me!

Flash: Thanks, Twilight. So this is the place? *Right in front of Zecora’s tree*

Twilight: Yup! This is it! *Knocks on the door* Oh, Zecora! It’s me, Twilight!

Zecora: It MUST be you, Twilight! For my hearing is most certainly right! Come in! Come in!

Twilight: *Steps in* Zecora, this is your new patient, Flash Sentry! Uh… *Looks outside to see Flash hiding behind the door* Uh, Flash! C’mon, do you want to get cured or not? What are you afraid of?!

Flash: I’m gonna look in there, and I’m gonna see her as your brother! I just know it! Then I’m gonna freak out cuz-I-didn’t-have-my-coffee-and-I- *Gets slapped back into reality* Thank you, I needed that.

Twilight: Anytime! Now look, just stay focused and keep calm. Take a couple deep breaths and step in there. I’ll be right behind you.

Flash: *Deep breath* Okay… *Steps in to see Zecora balancing on a single bamboo pole* He-llo?! Wow! How are you doing that?!

Zecora: Lots of meditation and training. For a sound body and mind need maintaining! But enough about that, for it is your problem that we must be at!

Flash: *Whispers to Twilight* Does she always speak in rhymes?

Twilight: *Whispers back* Yes. Just roll with it.

Flash: Okay. *Ahem* Hello, my name is Flash Sentry.

Zecora: I am aware, for I recognize you by your messed up hair!

Flash: Funny… very funny.

Zecora: Lighten up with levity, my friend’s Sentry. *Jumps off the pole and walks over to him and examines him closely* Hmm… Have a seat. Do you like tea in heat?

Flash: Oh, uh… sure!

Zecora: Hot tea eases the mind and soul of fear and dread. Now let out all those harmful vibes from you little yellow head.

Twilight: *Floats the tea to herself and Flash* Thank you!

Flash: You sure there’s hope for me, Dr. Zecora?

Zecora: Mmmhmm…

Flash: Well alright. So how should we start?

Zecora: Drink your tea to start. Let its heat warm up your heart.

Flash: *Sips it, but it’s PIPING HOT* AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!! TOO HOT! TOO HOT!!!

Zecora: You must not be very tough. For IT’S NOT HOT ENOUGH!!! *Bonks him with bamboo*

Flash: OW!!! *Shakes head* Okay, so how was THAT supposed to help?!

Twilight: Cool it, Flash! We’re just getting started!

Zecora: Patience is a virtue, good soldier. One cannot simply lift the weights from your shoulder! Now that the tea is down, close your eyes with a subtle frown.

Flash: *Deep breath and does so and hears a camera snap* What was that?

Zecora: Nothing! *Hides camera behind her while blushing and looking both ways with Twilight giving a confused look* Keep your eyes shut, and tell me what has you in distraught!

Flash: I see… I see Princess Twilight… You, Twilight…

Twilight: Aww…

Zecora: Continue.

Flash: But you’ve just disappeared… Now I see Prince Shining Armor…

Twilight: My brother?

Flash: He’s coming towards me… Wait… now he’s behind me… now he’s all around me! HE’S EVERYWHERE! THERE’S SO MANY OF THEM! TOO MANY! THEY’RE CLOSING IN! GET AWAY! GET AWAAAAY!!!

Twilight: Flash! Cool it! *Sees him lift up a Zecora’s pot* AAAH!!! *Moves herself and Zecora away as he slams it into the floor* WHOA!

Zecora: Be careful with that! Do not break my vat!

Flash: *Eyes open* Huh?! Oh… I… Oops… Sorry about that…

Twilight: It’s alright. We’ll just need to try something else.

Zecora: Indeed. Fortunately, I have what we need!

Twilight: You think this will work?

Zecora: Like no other! But does he have a brother?

Twilight: Huh?! What does that have to do with this?!

Zecora: Nothing… *Looks away*

Twilight: *Raises an eyebrow suspiciously* You okay, Zecora?

Zecora: Is this about me? Or about Flash Sentry?!

Twilight: Of course it’s Flash! But as far as I know, he doesn’t. Then again, I never asked him.

Zecora: Very well. But this method will work, I can tell! *They walk back to Flash* Alright, my friend, it is now that your stress will end!

Flash: Oh, good! So what will we be doing this time?

Zecora: You will sleep. Sleep very deep! For my final hypothesis is that this will end with classic hypnosis!

Twilight: Hypnosis?!

Flash: So long as it doesn’t make me into a mindless zombie, I’m game! So how will this work?

Zecora: *Stares right into his eyes* Your curiosity fills me with glee, for now you will see! To be hypnotized, you must look into my eyes… *Eyes start glowing and spinning with his doing the same* Just stay focused on me… and you shall fall asleep in one… two… THREE!

Flash: *Eyes close and he starts snoring* Zzzzz….zzzzzz…..zzzzz….

Twilight: Wow! That was amazing! I haven’t even practiced sleeping spells! So what’s the next step?

Zecora: Now it is up to your brother. It can be no other.

Twilight: Shining Armor?

Zecora: Mmmhmm.

Shining Armor: I’m gonna need a minute with him. *Steps in from out of the shadows* Princess Luna? If you would?

Luna: Of course. One moment please. *Horn glows*

Twilight: Princess Luna?! Zecora, what are they doing?

Zecora: Making things right with Flash’s mind. It’s best we stay behind.

Shining Armor: *Glows with Luna’s horn and his mind drifts into Flash’s subconscious and enters his dreams* This is gonna be weird…

Flash: *In his dreams, he’s sitting on a cloud and playing his guitar until all of a suddenly, a giant Shining Armor appears out of nowhere and eats him whole* Hmm? AAAAAAAAH!!!!! *Gets swallowed and wakes up next to the Crystal Heart right under the Crystal Palace* What?! Where am I?! *Hears the door open behind him* Huh?! *Sees Shining Armor step out of it* EEP! Aaaah… Haah… *Attempts to run away, but gets stopped by Shining Armor’s shield* AAAAH! OOF!!! Eeep! *Cowers in fear while on his knees and covering his head* I’m sorry sir! I didn’t know Twilight didn’t like green flowers! THEY’RE ALL THE STORE HAAAAAD!!!

Shining Armor:...Would you calm down, soldier?! I’m not here for that! *Sigh* I mean… Hi, Flash.

Flash: *Looks through his hooves* Huh?

Shining Armor: I heard that you were feeling pretty sick and losing your mind. I guess I’m kind of to blame for that.

Flash:…..

Shining Armor: What I mean to say is: “I’m sorry.” I’ve been pushing you too far with my constant surveillance, always making you feel uneasy and repeatedly reminding you that I was always watching. I’ve essentially become a living nightmare to you. After carefully thinking about that, I realized how unfair that is to you. It’s also unfair to Twilight because I’ve been acting like I’m her keeper instead of her big brother.

Flash: Sir…

Shining Armor: You’ve been given a lot of trash from a lot of people, me included. And considering how little wrong you’ve really done, that doesn’t seem very fair. So yeah… *Scratches his head* I’m sorry about all that.

Flash: *Slowly stands back up* I… I’m sorry too. I went crazy and all… I nearly hurt somepony that I didn’t want to and…

Shining Armor: None of that is your fault. It’s mine. You have nothing to apologize for. Look, how about we grab a bite to eat before we head home. Or rather, how about you and Twilight do that.

Flash: You’re just going to head back?

Shining Armor: I have no reason to worry. I’m sure I can trust you. You haven’t done anything wrong, and I doubt that you would.

Flash: Gee… Thanks, sir. *Smiles back up*

Shining Armor: Don’t mention it. Now I want you to wake up. Can’t date my sister in your sleep, now can you?

Flash: *Closes his eyes and wakes up back in Zecora’s tree* Hmm? Huh? *Looks around and yawns* Wow… I feel like a million bits! Am I cured?

Zecora: I should say so, but only one way to know.

Shining Armor: Hey, Flash.

Flash: Prince Shining Armor? Princess Luna? When did you get here?

Luna: A good while before you arrived actually.

Shining Armor: Cadence told me everything. So I decided I’d do something about the problem I caused with you. I hope you can forgive me.

Flash: I… Of course, sir.

Shining Armor: That’s good. The last thing I need is for my subjects and soldiers to fear me. I’m not like the last ruler of our home. But anyways, I’m gonna head back.

Luna: As will I. Good to have you back on your hooves, Flash. *Walks out with Shining Armor*

Flash: Thank you, your highness. *Scratches his head* Huh… So I guess all I really needed was a little sleep.

Twilight: And the fact that you didn’t freak out at my brother shows that it worked!

Flash: Yeah, you’re right. So you set all this up, Zecora?

Zecora: I aim to please, and to put minds at ease.

Flash: Heheh! Well you succeeded, that’s for sure! I really owe you one!

Zecora: Well my services are not cheap. Perhaps you can pay for your keep?

Flash: Of course. How much?

Zecora: Either in 10 photos or 50 bits. Not too much considering your emotional hits.

Flash: What would I have to do for 10 photos?

Zecora: Hold still and pose. And I’ll fall asleep to those…

Flash & Twilight: EXCUSE ME?!

Flash: *Reaches into his wallet and pulls out 50 bits* Uh… let’s just pay with bits and call it a day, shall we?

Zecora: Whatever you say. *Takes the 50 bits and puts them in a bag* Have a wonderful day!

Flash: Thanks! *Walks out* Coming Twilight?

Twilight: Just a sec! Zecora, were you just...

Zecora: You are a very lucky mare, Twilight. But for him and you, I will not fight.

Twilight: So you WERE?! Zecora! I-

Zecora: He is also lucky to have you. For with you, he has much to look forward to. My best of wishes to you both, and I cannot wait to see you betrothed!

Twilight: Oh! Well… thank you! I’m sorry, for a second, I thought you were… never mind. See you later, Zecora! And thanks again for your help!

Zecora: Any time, my friend! Please, do come again! *Sees them both off and gradually lowers her smile*…..He is too good for her… Oh well, back to brewing my myrrh.

And so, with Flash’s phobia of his prince and mentor finally cured, he and Twilight celebrate by going to Sweet Apple Acres for some apple pie and cider courtesy of Applejack. After the first date in a while, Flash goes back to the Crystal Empire feeling as good as new to resume his work as the captain of the royal guards! And though Shining Armor still keeps a watchful eye on Flash to make sure he stays in line, he’s learned to be quieter and less creepy about it. The 3 year waiting rule is still in effect, but at least it won’t be an unbearable wait for the next year and a half. So what have our heroes learned from all this?

Shining Armor: “Dear Princess Celestia, I have learned a couple things about friendship and family today. I have learned that while it is still good to be careful and cautious, it is sometimes necessary to take risks and trust in someone to make the right decisions. Sure, you still make sure they don’t go off the straight and narrow, but you should still give them some breathing space. Otherwise, you’ll just make them afraid of you and make yourself look like a complete monster. I’ll keep this in mind and let my sister be the one to decide whether or not he’s right for her. In the end, it’s her choice of what makes her happy. –Your nephew and loyal prince, Shining Armor”

Twilight: “Dear Princess Celestia, I have not learned much of something new, but instead have been reminded of what it means to have a family that loves you. When your family tries to manage things with you, it means they are out for your best interests and are always willing to be there for you. However, it is still your responsibility to decide for yourself of what your own best interests are. I had the instincts to save my brother from marrying an evil monster before, and I see that he’s trying to do the same for me. I appreciate it with all my heart, don’t get me wrong, and if I had to do the same for him again, I would at the blink of an eye. But considering the amount of time we have known Flash and all the things he’s gone through for all of us, I have found it in me to trust him a long time ago, and I hope Shining Armor can say the same now. Either way, I’ll always love my family and remember that they’ll always love me and we will always look out for each other. That’s what a good family does!
-Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle”

Flash: Oh! I’m writing a note now? Okay. *Ahem* “Dear Princess Celestia, today I learned….” Um… What did I learn?

Spike: What, can’t think of anything?

Flash: Well… I GUESS I could say I learned something about the importance of forgiving others, but I already knew that. I mean sure, Prince Shining Armor’s methods almost killed me, but his heart was in the right place. So I can’t really blame him. And there’s also the importance of getting enough sleep. Because if you don’t, you’ll probably lose so much focus that you could end up losing your mind with it. But that’s basic psychology and biology there. Not to mention common sense. So to be honest, I got nothing. You got any ideas?

Spike: *Blows flames and sends the note* Nope! Not a clue!

Flash: Wait, you sent it already?! What did it say?!

Spike: Nothing! I gotta get going now! See ya, Flash! *Runs off laughing* HaHAHAHAHA!!!

Flash: Hey! Wait! What’s so funny?! What did that note say?! HEY! SPIKE!!!

Spike: “Dear Princess Celestia, this is a note on behalf of Flash Sentry, Twilight’s colt-friend! *Ahem* TWILIGHT AND FLASHY SITTING IN A TREE!
K-I-S-S-I-N-G!
FIRST COMES LOVE, THEN COMES FLASHLIGHTS,
THEN COMES THE WEDDING AND MARITAL FIGHTS!
HAHAHAHHA!!! Okay, but can I PLEASE stop writing now?! My claws hurt!
-Your faithful student’s assistant, Spike”

Celestia: *After reading* Yes, PLEASE take a break, Spike! I’ve had to read all these other papers all day! *Sees one more* Oh, very well. What’s this one say?

Brainstorm: “Dear Princess Celestia, this is the LAST time I’m doing a parody of Spongebob Squarepants! The show got bad after the 4th season and this episode was the last one that I ever liked! After this, it just plummeted! So DON’T ASK ME TO DO THIS AGAIN!
-The Author Pegasus, Brainstorm
P.S. This note will now self-destruct for no reason!”

Celestia: WHAT?! *Note explodes with a loud…*

KA-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!

FIN